the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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