I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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