...so i touched it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
40s are totally the cure
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
