Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They took my balls.
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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