I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
