I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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