he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
