I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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