We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
