I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
