wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
