My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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