some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
