He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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