I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would ride that face into the sunset
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
