did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
