why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
