Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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