I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
