We won't sleep together?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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