I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
