It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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