She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
