Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
