It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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