Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
