my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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