fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
