and you said cock pushups were impossible
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
