that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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