Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
