people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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