'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
