well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
