There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
