My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
