Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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