Porn is love you can see.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
