Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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