My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
