who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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