I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
