I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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