what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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