So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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