I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
