Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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