I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
