I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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