Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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