i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
