just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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