I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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