the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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