i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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