and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
