Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
