you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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