I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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