The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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