apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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