At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
