I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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