i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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