Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
