Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
