and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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