After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life