That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk