he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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