She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food