I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.