Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple