If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
