You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize