I bet he comes in French.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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